Belonging
by Yuta
Summary: Thye could have stayed detached, but didn´t. They belonged to each other. (Z/X)


Okay. YES, I know this story sucks, but I couldn't get it out of my mind. It's even weirder than most of mines are. Scary. It was beta-ed by Cat- dear, Arigato, Liebshen.  
  
No, they aren't mines, or that's what my therapist keeps insisting I need to realize.  
  
Belonging  
  
At times, life hadn't been predictable for Xellos. Even his thinking about it wasn't predictable. That was the main reason he was so good at whatever he did. He could adapt to the situation. Learn how to deal with what wasn't in his mistress' plans. Even things that later, he couldn't analyze coherently.  
  
Like Xellos' dreams. Or his grief.  
  
He could do it. From the smallest of the samples to the greatest ones. But it didn't clarify things for him. He wasn't like anything in this world, even with a bit of reality.  
  
Because, ladies and gentleman, the monster appreciated the world. It was his little secret. For him every thought, every feeling was confusing and unarticulated.  
  
Xellos could have thought all that. Without the capacity for examples or doubts. Doubt to be hostile, to pretend to be alive. Was he really there? Sometimes he doubted it. And that scared him. Doubt was too dangerous for his kind.  
  
Xellos lusted for humans, lusted their suggestive and ambiguous forms. Besides, he respected some of them. Like the human daughter of L-sama, whom he was supposed to take care of without being all too noticeable. He also respected Zelgadiss, with his hate against people like him, that searched for something he knew didn't exist. The chimera was shockingly different from them, yet as appealing to him as the most beautiful of the humans. Or more so with his strangeness, for his uniqueness.  
  
In the evenings, Zelgadiss sat in the window frame and stared at the sky in silence. Wallowing in emptiness. Of course he knew.  
  
Zelgadiss with silver and lavender strands of wire hair, impossibly cold, like melted snow, with eyes that sometimes flashed things that didn't quite reach his ability to decipher their meaning. And a weary loneliness around him like a shield. The youth, surrounded by light blue skin of about twenty years, intellectual in appearance, incredibly ugly to certain human's eyes, and weak to the point of self destruction.  
  
After some time the respect became some sort of dry attraction. And he tried to communicate, get to know him, the chosen, by him, from the group. At least try to do it. For lust. For need. First following him, even after his mission taking care of Lina was fulfilled in his Mistress eyes.  
  
Always after Zelgadiss, phasing in one moment and the next gone. Always staying a bit longer. Chatting a bit more, getting a bit closer.  
  
After sometime the chimera seemed to accept his presence as something stable, maybe as another companion in his solitude. The monster that seemed to want to understand, or estimate or something like that. He stared at him with an odd mix of spite and fascination. Xellos wanted to get closer. Zelgadiss thought "What does he think he knows about me? Brooding creature, the stone freak, the anchor."  
  
Xellos forced towards the shield of the damaging emotions, being eaten by the need to understand him. "Stupid Mazoku" thought Zelgadiss. "Still, I'm alone. So is he. "  
  
The chimera started to notice the other's presence. Something stable and nearly constant. Sometimes he even searched for him. He knew that was what Xellos wanted. That was what he wanted.  
  
He started to allow the other to get near. Even started to talk to him. Quietly. Xellos, listening to things that amazed him. Accepting what he heard and then thinking about it. Sometimes understanding. Sometimes not.  
  
Xellos saw him at his side, talking quietly, the fire marring shadow and light on the delicate frame of his face, feeling good when he, without thinking, reached a hand to stroke the chimera's lightly and the youth didn't flinched away. Sometimes he could reach a nearly impossible state of happiness from this kind of reaction.  
  
The Mazoku ended up growing closer to him, considering his reactions, taking care of him when it was needed, giving him strength by angering him when he was too depressed, always distracting him in one way or another to help him forget whatever he could remember about his past. He worried for Zelgadiss, wanted to take care of him.  
  
Those emotions worried him. He was becoming too attached to be able to keep himself away of those emotions like sadness. Saddened by the simple fact that the chimera was sad.  
  
Zelgadiss wanted him to understand the meaning of his words. Even make him understand feelings like pity. Xellos admitted to it. Shared his confusion. Despite his own loneliness. Despite his own feeling of detachment and independence.  
  
Zelgadiss started loosing his weariness with the Mazoku. Xellos just followed him. Listened. And one day started answering, understanding him, standing the chimera's weakness. Zelgadiss now trusted him enough to allow some darker secrets. To allow other things. Dawns together still enveloped in the darkness where he could feel his soft smile and once, his kiss. Xellos learned to love him, to understand him, his sad life. His stone mask hiding so many things.  
  
And one day, without any difference from the others they had passed together, he found himself talking about his own dark secrets, his own doubts and fears in his own ancient language. And he told the chimera his origin, his secrets. Beyond his own limits of trust.  
  
They walked, talked, loved together and each other.  
  
Xellos admitted that his time didn't have any memory. Zelgadiss confessed he had died at the age of seventeen. When he was about to die, he was abandoned, leaving him frustrated and wounded, sick until the anemia.  
  
Xellos finally revealed what he thought about the chimera. The monster said that he was sad, that sometimes he didn't knew what to do with the things he had, that he tried to understand too much and ended up not understanding anything.  
  
Zelgadiss said it was just a different view of what Xellos thought of himself.  
  
Xellos reached for the chimera's hand and Zelgadiss smiled despite himself.  
  
The only important thing was to smile at each other and maybe embrace each other. When the Mazoku did, it was because he needed to do that to the youth staring at him.  
  
Xellos stared at himself in the Inn's mirror. His own cold beauty, his fine and powerful hands, his own old smile. He saw it as a signal, felt it with amusement and a touch of fear. He realized with something like horror that he had always been like that. The difference was only possible when the youth indulged in him love, heat and life. They spend that night together for the first time. He curled around him almost hurting, and sighed so softly the chimera felt fear.  
  
The next morning he watched wearily while watching for signs of fear, regret, even despise. Finding none in a relaxed expression while sipping his second cup of coffee.  
  
They came downstairs and walked up to the bridge to see the frozen waters. Now Xellos wanted to embrace the youth. Or kiss him while everyone watched or pointed. He did so, and the chimera didn't stop him.  
  
Kissing each other slowly, with the frozen wind cutting their forms, hugging each other with something close to desperation, leaving behind things both feared.  
  
"I don't want to leave him ever. " Xellos thought. He said so.  
  
Zelgadiss was the same. He wanted to hide the feeling, or scream it, to kiss it, to embrace it. He did so. So fiercely it hurt the monster and his mouth bled. When Xellos opened his eyes he found blood falling from the chimera's eyes. He drew him closer still and held him.  
  
One morning, while the dawn stirred, after a long night of dark talking and sex, Xellos stared at his lover and decided it was time. He finally got rid of his mask and under it appeared a face that Zelgadiss remembered he had seen or at least thought. A face with deeply evil lupine eyes, a mouth with too many needle-like teeth, fur over dark skin, black claws designed to kill.  
  
Zelgadiss never blinked, just stared and drank in the form standing in front of him, thinking, "Love. I love him, he is testing me. I need to find him in this form, I won't let myself be defeated by his appearance." He leaned closer and kissed him. Not caring if it ended with his life. If the creature he was kissing sliced his lips open with his teeth, if it was tearing the flesh of his back with the razor-sharp claws, or if he died. He just kissed him, showing him he accepted what he was. His own eyes open, watching the creature, "I see you," he said against the monster's fangs. Xellos turned back to his usual form and presumed to heal his lover. They never talked about it again.  
  
That was one of the few things Zel said about their relationship. All was said then actually, but Xellos didn't understand until much later.  
  
They traveled together a lot of the time, and one day Zelgadiss hurt himself for him, told him to watch, to see him. And the blood covered his entire visage. Watching the chimera cut himself with his dagger, his movements exact, precise, with a freeness he had never seen before. He wanted to drink of him, drink the dark ruby blood pooling from the chimera's chest, predicting his own doom in this weak broken being. Both of them felt it, without ever speaking it.  
  
They just wanted to feel some more. Too eager for all that possibility to leave everything behind and not answer the questions left. Just be together and feel some more.  
  
AN: I wish I could blame this trash to being drunk, but I am away from any caipirinha right now, so I can only blame my sick twisted mind. 


End file.
